Kevin Fullam writesThe Fourth Wall: Blue Valentine

Welcome to The Fourth Wall, CHIRP's e-conversation on cinema. This week's subject is the 2010 film Blue Valentine.

This edition is written by CHIRP Radio volunteers Kevin Fullam and Cassondra Branderhorst.

Kevin:

Early on in Blue Valentine, the image that came to mind was that of an oscilloscope. What happens when you have a pair of harmonic waves that are just slightly misaligned? Over time, small differences can magnify into huge disconnects, where the two may find themselves moving in opposite directions.

In the Hollywood of yesteryear, the story of Cindy (Michelle Williams in an Oscar-nominated performance) and Dean (Ryan Gosling) would have all the trappings of a romantic comedy. There's the meet-cute (while visiting residents of a senior home), the disparate backgrounds (she's a college student, he's a high-school dropout who works for a moving company), the winsome impromptu first date (where his ukulele serenade wins her over), and even a jealous ex (played in rather creepy fashion by Mike Vogel) to boot.

In Blue Valentine, however, these elements are relayed via a series of flashbacks and comprise only half of the tale. The present day has us checking up on their marriage, five years in... and clearly, the honeymoon has long worn off. Cindy can't fathom why Dean seems content with menial work; he can't understand why the charming disposition she fell in love with no longer seems good enough for her today. 

Matters reach a breaking point when Dean -- over Cindy's objections -- plans an evening for the two of them at a hotel with "theme" suites, which in their case is ominously titled "The Future." (Picture the bridge of the Starship Enterprise.) Relations are frosty before they've even arrived. Cindy is exhausted and also on call for her job as a nurse, and there's additional tension in the air after she mentions that she bumped into the aforementioned ex at a liquor store on the way there. The ex's opening salvo: Have you been faithful to your husband? Ouch.

No one's necessarily to blame here. But while Cindy clearly saw her marriage as a stepping stone to a better life, one that included the sort of affection missing in her own home as a child, the wedding was the end-all and be-all for Dean. In his eyes, he'd found a companion and added a daughter to build a family -- why would anyone need anything more? Harmonic waves, drifting apart.

1) Cassie, did you find yourself sympathizing with one half of the couple more than the other?

2) Occasionally, we see Dean talking about women with his blue-collar colleagues, and in one such cutaway, we hear him wax philosophic on relationships:

"I feel like men are more romantic than women. When we get married, we marry one girl. 'Cause we’re resistant the whole way until we meet one girl, and we think, 'I’d be an idiot if I didn’t marry this girl, she’s so great.'

But it seems like girls get to a place where they just kinda pick the best option or something. I know girls that married, they’re like, 'Oh he’s got a good job.' I mean they spend their whole life looking for Prince Charming, and then they marry the guy who’s got a good job and is gonna stick around."

What's your take on this?

3) On the flip side -- we don't seem to hear as much about what Cindy thinks about relationships, do we? She's wary about the world, and with good reason given the overall tension in her life. Tension at the dinner table while growing up, and especially tension out in the world regarding would-be suitors. Thoughts?

Cassie:

First off, I loved this film. While it was a hard watch that started off pretty tough for any animal lovers (R.I.P. Megan), it was beautifully shot and featured some important messages about how relationships evolve... and might eventually collapse. I appreciated the time splicing -- it helped the viewer decipher where it all went (or kept going) wrong. These were two people that were not on the same page at the end, and as the rifts became more apparent over time, I wonder if they were ever truly in sync.

I found myself feeling sorry for both of them in equal amounts, but for different reasons. They are both clearly unfulfilled, and Dean had very much bought into the expectation that because he did the "right thing," he was entitled to a happy marriage. Perhaps Dean is sympathetic because at least he is fighting for the marriage and to keep the family together? Cindy seems to have totally given up. But hasn't Dean as well if he is drinking at 8 AM before work?

In my opinion, Dean was manipulative from the jump, not only pushing his way into Cindy's grandmother's room at the senior center, but also threatening to harm himself in the bridge scene (seriously, what is with Ryan Gosling characters putting themselves in harm's way to get the girl?) in order to get Cindy to admit her pregnancy. His emotionally immature and abusive behavior never changes, and the same goes for his violent outbursts.

Men don't seem to really value Cindy and her desires. This appears evident in two important scenes:

-- Her boss propositions her after recruiting her to work out of town with him during the week ("I thought you wanted me there because I am good at my job?").

-- At the motel, Dean tells her that he doesn't want her for her body... but still won't leave her alone until she physically puts a barrier between them.

Dean is rebuffed over and over again, but Cindy eventually acquiesces to his whims...until she doesn't.

Which brings me to your next thought around Dean's philosophy on relationships, marriage, and the differences between men and women. Cindy "chose" him because he had a job and stuck around. But that is not what love is, and it certainly cannot constitute a lasting and fulfilling marriage. It also makes women seem shallow and one-dimensional. Was he idealizing her in lieu of actually understanding her as a person? They barely knew each other when they got married and, as it turns out, they were very different people. One wonders if part of her resentment stems from the fact that she feels like he took advantage of her fragile emotional state after deciding to go through with her pregnancy. 

During this film, I kept thinking about something that a professor in undergrad once told me, that marriage is a "crapshoot." You can find someone that makes sense at a particular point in time, but you have to grow together for it to last. Even those with the best of intentions may not make it because those goals can evolve. Cindy found stability in Dean during a vulnerable time, but what worked for her then wasn't viable in the long term. Dean believes in the myth that all women are looking for that "Prince Charming", but that isn't real life and over time, people become disillusioned with such fairytales. However, I don't think that means that women "settle." His take on relationships seems immature to me. In the end, Cindy wanted more than what he could offer.

While Dean is a tragic character who doesn't seem to change much throughout the film, Cindy is a sympathetic figure as well. We don't get to hear her philosophy on love and relationships, but what we do see is someone who is very cynical about love and marriage. I was actually proud of her when she declared that part of her wanting a divorce was because of what she experienced, having grown up with dysfunctional parents. Way to break those generational curses and set a good example for her own daughter!

Maybe the two were doomed from the beginning? Both seem to be products of their environments, but Cindy does seem to be evolving in a way that Dean is not. Do you think that we would have had more insight if we had gotten to see Dean with his parents?

I am also curious to hear your thoughts on the inclusion of the ex-boyfriend, Bobby Ontario. That beatdown scene was pretty brutal. What else does that tell us about these characters?

Kevin:

Before we get to Bobby, let me start by playing devil's advocate for Dean. Was he all that bad a guy?

You suggested that Dean was manipulative and didn't seem to really value her and her desires. He was there to support her decision to abort her pregnancy... and he remained by her side when she decided she couldn't go through with the procedure, even though the baby wasn't his. That's a pretty big deal, no? Their daughter (Frankie) is very much a priority for him -- he's attentive to Frankie's needs and activities, and clearly loves the child dearly.

Cassie: 

I do not think that he was a bad guy per se, but his violent outbursts were very concerning, at the very least. He was there for her when she went through a really tough time and did stick it out despite the fact that Frankie wasn't his biological daughter. And it does appear that he is a good dad to her. But he put Cindy on a pedestal before he really knew her, deciding that this was the girl for him...  and he didn't let up until he'd won her over. Again, they are both tragic figures. And neither of them are good communicators, especially Cindy. I wish that we could have seen more of their post-wedding relationship. How long have things been bad? What else went wrong?

Kevin:

If there was a defining moment for Dean, I feel it was embodied in his treatment of Walter, an elderly veteran who moved into a nursing home. Dean, a member of the moving team, was on a tight clock and well within his grounds to bolt as soon as all the boxes were in Walter's room. But he wouldn't depart until Walter's new "home" was proper -- even taking his time to hang mementos, photos, and a flag. Not for any payment, but out of respect and kindness.

Cassie:

This was really sweet and I appreciate you bringing it up -- I almost forgot about this part. He even looked in on Walter from time to time, it would seem. Do you think that this could be him relating Walter to his own father?

Kevin:

Maybe? His father was a janitor, but perhaps he was also a veteran? I'd simply assumed that Dean was a fundamentally good-hearted soul.

Now, the fact that Dean started off each morning with a drink... that's a problem. He spins it around: "What a luxury! I get up for work, I have a beer, I go to work, I paint somebody's house, they're excited about it. I come home, I get to be with you. That's like -- this is the dream!" And I kinda see where he's coming from... a little? But as I said, a problem. At the very least, it's not exactly role-model behavior for one's kids. Couldn't Cindy have suggested a compromise on that issue, and gotten him to taper off the alcohol, instead of immediately trying to infuse him with ambition that wasn't there?

Cassie:

I am with you here. It is problematic behavior. To add insult to injury, Cindy pushes the issue by questioning his life choices and lack of ambition rather than trying to help him see his behavior as problematic. I think at this point, Cindy seems to really resent him, and while she wants to progress in her career, he seems listless by comparison.

Kevin:

The whole issue of men's "pursuit" of women is an interesting one. Cindy, as a young, attractive woman, is certainly besieged on all sides by willing suitors of varying scruples, and Dean is nothing if not persistent. The question is, how much persistence is acceptable? The whole "Meet Cute" trope has long been a thorn in my side when it comes to Hollywood storytelling, as it's often used as a crutch to spark romantic entanglements that are rather implausible. Most real-world relationships don't spring out of a vacuum; someone's got to put themselves "out there," and historically, it's been up to us men to take the plunge. Was Dean overly-aggressive? Maybe? It certainly was the case that he basically pushed Cindy into that infamous Motel Tryst over her wishes... but I didn't interpret this as a sign of manipulation; more of a misguided attempt to get the two of them out of their current rut.

Cassie:

Ahh, the beloved "meet-cute." Is there anything more unrealistic than the way characters always seem fated to meet in the movies? I think that men can definitely put themselves out there, but generally I think that women can too and do. And if a guy shows interest and is rebuffed? It is likely that the woman isn't interested. Continually trying to "wear her down" is not cute in my opinion. It is worrisome. Persistence can get creepy real fast when you're a female who constantly has to dodge unwanted advances like Cindy does. She does eventually reciprocate Dean's interest, but this is not any more realistic than the scenario in which they meet. I think that girls will back me up here that the "not taking no for an answer" trope has consequences in real life.

I definitely saw the motel scene as him trying. There is no doubt in my mind that he was clinging to something, but Cindy's actions indicated there was likely nothing left to cling to. Maybe a case of too little, too late? And, if the trip truly was something that she didn't want to do, it likely generated even more contempt.

Kevin:

About that infamous gate that allowed the pooch to roam to her doom -- Dean did imply that Cindy had left that gate open a lot, despite his repeated warnings. So, can you really fault the guy for being angry instead of sympathetic at the outset?

Cassie: 

I still think that this shows he is not an emotionally available partner or, at the very least, that his go-to emotion is anger. I would expect a caring partner to be more sympathetic instead of trying to make her feel worse for it.

Kevin:

The ex-boyfriend, Bobby Ontario, was pretty much a smug bully of the first order, and one who apparently got off scot-free after his vicious assault of Dean, early in his relationship with Cindy. And not that this was her fault in the slightest, but how well does she come out looking here? She runs into a cruel ex who not only irresponsibly knocked her up five years earlier, but also brutally pummeled her boyfriend... and she's civil to him? Did that sit well with you?

Cassie:

This is where Cindy really lost me. Why she would be interested in a civil conversation with that guy is beyond me. She had to give up a lot of her hopes and dreams, and he was partly responsible for that. Also, if she truly loved Dean, she should have been much more in his corner. Minus 10 points for Cindy here.

Kevin:

Are women really crucified for their parental decisions? I tend to think they've gotten much more sympathy than men, because the latter have historically been much more likely to abandon their kids. Interesting that this is flipped on its head in BV, though -- it's Dean's mom who walked out on the family. While you don't see him interact with his family like we do with Cindy, I think this fact speaks for itself as far as painting a picture of Dean's home. Likely not much love and warmth to be found.

Cassie:

I think so. Let's say that a woman takes her eyes off of her child for a moment and, in that time, the child is hurt or gets into something that they shouldn't have. I think that people would come down hard on her for being an irresponsible parent. If the situation were flipped and it was a man, he is the silly dad who wasn't "babysitting" his kid. It reminded me of some of the conversation popping up recently regarding "weaponized incompetence." I think that women end up doing a lot of invisible labor in relationships. They are expected to be good mothers because they are usually assigned emotions and parental traits that aren't traditionally attributed to men. This also ties into what Dean's home life may have been. Who is to say that his father wasn't a loving and warm character? His mom could have been the villain here, but we don't know exactly what the dynamics are. Maybe Dean, like Cindy, didn't have a basis for comparison of what a loving relationship really looks like?

Kevin:

Cassie, have you seen Take This Waltz? It's another film about a marriage at the five-year checkpoint -- also starring Michelle Williams! Directed by Sarah Polley, TTW is definitely lighter in tone, but still raises all sorts of perplexing questions about long-term compatibility. At the outset, Michelle's character and her husband (Seth Rogan) are sharing an anniversary dinner... and they clearly have nothing interesting to say to each other. Soon afterwards, an artist/rickshaw operator moves in next door, and Michelle's eye begins to wander. Definitely in my pantheon of Relationship Cinema.

Are there any other tales (whether in film or television) that have struck a chord with you as far as providing a realistic look at the challenge of long-term marriages? I'll mention a few, a couple of which have been discussed in The Fourth Wall: After Love, Revolutionary Road, and Marriage Story.

Cassie:

I haven't seen Take This Waltz, but I love Sarah Polley! Besides Marriage Story, which you have mentioned, nothing else comes to mind. I will say that I have enjoyed Silver Linings Playbook and American Beauty as two that show marriage/relationships in a more realistic light relative to others.

Kevin:

Interestingly, I remember the Eagles component of SLP much more than the romance angle! (I'll add that I'm a native of the Philadelphia area; no comment as far as being seriously jobbed during this past Super Bowl.) And American Beauty teamed with Fight Club to form a pretty potent cinema combo when it came to illustrating the malaise/ennui of men at the turn of the century...