Sophia Ramirez writesThe CHIRP Radio Interview: Emily Haden Lee

Sophia Ramirez of CHIRP Radio recently spoke with Emily Haden Lee, a singer-songwriter and artist originally from Missouri who is now based in Chicago. Her debut album The Woman I Would Be was released on September 20th. You can listen to their full interview here.

Sophia Ramirez: Thank you so much for joining me today Emily, and congratulations.
Emily Haden Lee: Thank you. Thank you for having me.

SR: So this album has been in the works for a little while. How long exactly have you been working on it? 
EHL: Let me think. I moved to Chicago probably almost 10 years at this point and I've been working on it for that time. It's definitely been an on and off sort of project. At the beginning of the year, when I got pregnant, I was like, okay, before I have kids, I think I need to get this out into the world because it's going to really rock my world and change everything when I have children. I had just sort of slowly been recording the songs without any sort of intention behind it, and I really wanted to have an album by the end of the year. So that's kind of how I decided to finish it. It wasn't a super deliberate thing, I guess, that just kind of came together over time. 

SR: Now that they're all together, do you feel like there is a cohesive theme or pattern to the album? Or do they all feel like different chapters in your life? 
EHL: I definitely feel like there's a cohesive theme because they were written the past several years. There were a lot of things that happened in my family—my dad passed away and my brother as well. And I think that songwriting ended up being the way that I really coped with all of that. So yeah, there's definitely a theme, having to do with grief, and there are a lot of songs about both my dad and my brother in there. And so I do think it fortunately ended up being a cohesive album even though it wasn't intended to be an album in the end.

SR: Were there any unexpected revelations for you while you were working on this album as you were using, you know, songwriting to work through grief and these different stages of growth that you described as rebirth at one point?
EHL: I feel like when I write a song that I know will be meaningful, at least to me, I'll cry when I'm writing it and I'm like, "Okay, well, that's that hit the nail on the head." I mean, I think it helped me process what was going on. When difficult, traumatic things are happening to you, it's so easy to just put it on the back burner and do other things, but music is definitely how I make myself feel things. I will stay there and really sit in the feeling of it and and then and then process it.

SR: Obviously you've been working on this for a long time. Did you always imagine when you were writing these songs that they were gonna be public or did it feel at the time like, oh, this is just for me to work through and then later you realized, oh, this is something that I would like to share?
EHL: Yeah, I guess I had always kind of imagined that. I mean, I would play them, I would play shows and play them and things like that. But I definitely had a feeling the day the music was released. I was like, "Oh my god, what have I done?" Because it is so personal and so vulnerable. I felt, it felt, very, very vulnerable on the day that I put it out into the world. But I don't know, I think that's a good thing. I feel proud that I made something, made art out of such a difficult time in my life and it's all honest and I'm so glad that I did it.

SR: Are there any particular songs that you're proud of or that you really enjoy playing? 
EHL: I really like "Begin Again" personally. Maybe it's because it's the most recently written song; I wrote that in February. I'm probably sick of hearing the other ones at this point. But yeah, I would say that's my favorite. The second verse is about a mother-daughter relationship, with the line, "A little baby, a mother holds her tight, what I would give now to be on either side." And I was really excited when I wrote that because I was at a point in my life where I wanted a mother-daughter connection, either with my own mom or with my own child. And I had been trying to have a baby for a little while, and actually ended up getting pregnant that month, which was very exciting. So it was amazing how that happened. And I like that that's a hopeful song. You've just got to begin again. I think sometimes that's all that you can really do in life—just start over. So that, that I would say, is my favorite right now. 

SR: That makes complete sense. I mean, you're going to have your first child in four weeks. 
EHL: Yeah, well, four or five, I guess it depends on whenever she wants to come. Hopefully four or five weeks. 

SR: That's amazing. Congratulations again. 
EHL: Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah, we're really excited. That's an ultimate new beginning, I would say. 

SR: From the new perspective as an expectant mother, does that change the way that you view or understand some of these songs, so many of which are about familial relationships?
EHL: I'm glad that I have finished this album before I'm having a child and moving into this new chapter of mine, because it feels like this time of my life when I am ready to move forward after the loss of my dad and my brother. So releasing this music, I feel like I'm also releasing that time in my life, and it feels right that I'm moving into something so new, and I think it's something that I'll be proud to have finished and be able to show my daughter at some point in her life. 

SR: I wanted to ask about the significance of the title. What is the significance of The Woman I Would Be? Is it aspirational? Is it more just considering ultimate realities? 
EHL: One of the tracks on the album is called "The Woman I Would Be" and I wrote that son for my dad who died when I was 25. When I was writing, I was thinking about how I never got to know him as an adult. He never got to know me as an adult. I was still such a kid at 25 and when he got sick and through him passing away, I really grew up a lot and I think that I grew into somebody that I was proud of. And so the chorus of that song is, "You never saw the changes in me, you never met the woman I would be." The title The Woman I Would Be felt right for the album because I'm a woman now. I'm not a kid, and I've grown into someone through these difficult experiences. I've really grown into someone that I'm proud of. I think my husband, actually, came up with the idea. He said to me, "I think that song would be the perfect title," I was like, "Oh, you're right. It's a good idea." 

SR: You guys work closely together, right? He helped compose the album. What's that like?
EHL: Yeah, it's great. It's wonderful. He has amazing ideas and gives such great feedback. And he is also a musician himself, so we write together. He's an amazing guitar player, so a lot of the songs on the album have such interesting guitar parts that he layers on top of mine, and I think it adds so much beautiful texture. On "Cowboy" for instance, he plays the second guitar part and I think he adds a really cool sound to the album. He listens to everything and it's very helpful to have him around.

SR: So we discussed this a little bit, but you're also, in addition to being a musician, a visual artist. Am I correct in assuming that you designed the album art for The Woman I Would Be?
EHL: Yes, I did. I drew the moth and the vines around the moth, and I think maybe not all moths, but some moths, represent death and rebirth and new beginnings. That felt really appropriate to me given the context of the album. And then the vines also represent growth and the flowers on the vine start out as buds at the bottom and then they're bigger flowers at the top. That was kind of the idea behind it. 

SR: How do those two artistic processes compare? Do you take inspiration from the same things for your visual art as with your music? 
EHL: I would say not at all, actually. I think music is definitely more soulful to me. It's like how I, like I said already, how I really process my feelings and it's far more emotional to me than visual art.

SR: Well, thank you so much for joining me today, Emily. This has been really lovely. I appreciate your time. 
EHL: Thank you so much. 

The Woman I Would Be is now available on Bandcamp.